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Thursday, September 8th, 2005

Subject:yay new pics againnn :D
Time:7:49 pm.
Mood: predatory.
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i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Monday, May 16th, 2005

Time:6:26 pm.
i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Thursday, December 16th, 2004

Time:1:02 pm.
Mood: melancholy.
in response to everyone who left supportive comments on my entry regarding the ftj ratings and my being fired i want to thank all of you. i have learned a very valuable lesson here: people who i barely know can actually prove to be better friends than those i have known for over five years. it took me awhile to decide whether or not to make this a public post. i think it's important that i do because i think she needs to see what i am about to say. i am not conceited. anyone who could have constrewed my last entry into being a display of cockiness is wrong. nowhere on that entry did i say i was a perfect ten. nobody is a perfect ten. i mentioned a 10.0 rating because my rating stayed that way for thirty or so votes. i was excited, is that so wrong? my rating dropped quickly because of downrating, more than likely. is that the sole cause of my rating dropping? probably not. was jealousy involved? probably. were people doing it because they wanted me off so they could be on the top ten? more than likely. that's how ftj is. nowhere in that entry did i say that i blame every negative comment people say about me on jealousy. that would be completely moronic. i realize people don't like me because i'm too opinionated, different, whatever reason. but there are those who are jealous. that's reality. about the owner's wife, i just threw that comment out there because i picked up on those vibes. honestly i have no idea why i was let go. as i said i was not being trained, and the whole operation was weird. i wasn't being completely serious with that comment because honestly my whole being "let go" was pretty arbitrary so i decided to make a similarily arbitrary comment.

i think it's best that michele and i part ways. she herself said in her journal entry that "we're going in seperate directions" ; she doesn't consider me to be a best friend anymore. the fact of the matter is though, is that i was always a best friend to her. i was always loyal and supportive. i would always compliment her and when she felt down i would pick her up. or try to. that's what friends are for. friends are not supposed to constantly put people down. that's what she did on my last entry. because i'm getting more confident. that's ridiculous.:/ and sad. i know she will see this and argue because she seems to think she is always right. anyone who says that i am not amazing, and claims to be a good friend of mine, is not a friend. not in the slightest. friends ar esupposed to care about you and think you are great. as i said earlier, people ive barely spoken to seem to know me and appreciate me more than she ever has. it's obvious she is jealous of me. once one of her friends responded positively to a comment posted about a picture of me and she said something like "oh everyone seems to like amy better than me". i don't think that's true, but that is what she said. she then said it was because i was way better than her or something. once we were sitting in front of each other at the lunch table and she said i had a crooked nose. my nose is not crooked, sorry. i've never looked at her and said michele youre overweight, michele you need to lose weight. whenever she made comments about herself int hat nature, i would try to make her feel better about herself because I AM A GOOD FRIEND. everytime i told her how iw as happy i had grown a few inches she kept saying iw as short. it's just she never, well rarely had anything positive to say, and in this case i think it is jealousy. i'm not saying, as i mentioned earlier that every person who dislikes me is jealous. no, but she is. and i wish she wouldn't be and i'm sad it has to be this way. this time however i am not going to give in to her manipulation and telling me i suck and i shouldnt think highly of myself because i am happy being confident. and to go around feeling like shit about yourself and making others feel like shit about themselves is not productive. so michele think what you want of me, but i hope you become more confident in yourself one day. okie that is all.
i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Wednesday, December 15th, 2004

Time:3:36 pm.

Hi Amy,

Thank you for sending us pictures! We are very interested in seeing
more pictures from you. I have attached a snapshot guideline which will
explain to you exactly what we need. Pictures should not be
professional if you have a digital camera you can email mail them to me
directly or send them to my attention at the agency: Cathy Gould/Women
Management, 199 Lafayette Street, New York, New York 10012. Please find
more information about the agency on www.womenmanagement.com
<http://www.womenmanagement.com/> and click on model search.

Looking forward to seeing more from you!

Best regards,

i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Time:12:25 pm.
Mood: bored.
hmmm so i suppose everyone has been wondering why i haven't been posting lately. :-x hehe probably, not, but i'll inform everyone anyway. i decided to stop neglecting face the jury, and i made a new profile with new pictures and such. well guess what? my rating was at a 10.0 after THIRTY votes! i was so happy, lol. cos i'm a dork and all...yeah i also was number one on the face the jury top ten girls list at a 9.163 or something of that nature. i was number one for about an hour and then my rating quickly began to drop. why? probably because a lot of girls saw my profile and decided to downrate me :) mature, huh? blah lol oh well i'm still in the top girls but i ha ve an 8.134 now. oh well.

lauren will be coming to see me soon, i'm so excited, but in an odd way kind of nervous too. we haven't seen each othe rin person for sooo long, i duno i'm shy i just feel like i may act weird around her at first, because of the fact that we haven't seen each other in person for so long. :x

i may be going to new york university next summer to take some courses, more than likely in drama. that woul dbe really swell and i'd be able to go to agencies also. <3 i miss acting with other people so much, i haven't been able to act at hcc because of the whole fiasco that occured with the stupid director and the way he dislikes my father. ghey. bleh whatevvvvjfewaeklfaw.

i think the women management contest will be coming to a close at the end of this month, they said the contest was lasting for four months--i'm assuming that four month period equates to september, october, november and december and maybe they will announce the winners january or february. blehhh i realyl want to win that woul dbe so grand, lauren tells me not think about it, i guess i shouldn't , it really does stress me out. that's how badly i want it. i'm going to try to forget i entered and about the contest as a whole...so yeah...anyway. i took my last final this morning i'm so glad i'm done and the semester is ovver.fh esajkfh yay

ugh i had yet another crazy issue with a job, i got hired at this coffee house called port city java, and i started on friday morning. i worked friday morning and saturday afternoon. the manager was not training me at all, and he yelled at me if i stood for one second "there are tons of things to do in a restaurant, you should be sweeping" and i was like "uhh okay," i mean ...wtf. i kept asking him for this manual that contained a list of all the drinks that are offered at the store so i could begin learning ot make them...noone was telling me so i figured maybe i could teach myself. well he didn't give me the book. everyone was really cold and unfriendly too...customers and fellow employees alike. blah. it was really sad. when i was interviewed, the place seemed great, the customers seemed friendly, the employees, the manager the owner..heh boy was i wrong! :/ sunday evening when i arrived to work the manager gave me a slightly disturbed look. noone, as usual, told me what i as supposed to do so i grabbed a broom swept the entire floor where the tables are, organized the magazines and newspaers, and wiped down all the tables. i also took dirty dishes to the back to be washed. then i put stickers on all these cups that needed stickers. as i was doing this, the manager approached me. he told me he needed to let me go because the owner's wife when she came in saturday night saw me and didn't like me. WTF. i was really disturbed why wouldnt she like me? he said it was becaus ei had been standing aroudn when she was there and i was not working hard enough. that is ridiculous, if iw as standing i was standing waiting for someone to train me! peopel are really fucked up around here i'm getting sick of it. so i left. i suppose it was for the best because i was really unhappy in the two days iw orked there. i still have to call the place to fin dout when i will be getting my paycheck. hopefully i CAN get it, sinc ei was only working there for two days i never turned in my W4 papers. god i bet the owner's wife didn't like me because her husband, the owner kept checking me out. assholes. i wasn't being traine di can't like do everything people who hav ebeen working there for five months can do unless i'm taught what to do! fuck. ughhh. :/ i think i may get a job working at a makeup counter after i turn eighteen or get a job as a secretary. bleh.okie the end <3
i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Monday, November 29th, 2004

Subject:Friends Only
Time:9:14 pm.
I am making this journal friends only due to the ignorant comments posted by anonymous users. If you want to be added leave a comment explaining why in this post. Credit goes to _madetobebroken for the friends only banner.
i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Saturday, November 6th, 2004

Subject:yep. some pics.
Time:8:08 pm.
here's some new pictures. i was bored :/

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i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Thursday, November 4th, 2004

Time:1:30 pm.
Mood: listless.
Maria Tallchief result graphic
You are Maria Tallchief. Balanchine's fourth wife,
Tallchief was known for her commanding stage
presence and technical mastery. Like
Tallchief, you are dedicated, hyper-competent,
independent, and no-nonsense.

Which Balanchine Dancer are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004

Subject:There is something officially wrong with the majority of people who inhabit this nation.
Time:2:33 pm.
Mood: disappointed.
I can't believe George W. Bush has been re-elected. What is wrong with this country? I do not understand. Kerry is intelligent, he served in the army diligently, he has a clear stand on the issues; he has charisma. This country, and Iraq are both going to continue going to go downhill. Hell, this country is considered the most powerful in the world, I may as well say that the world will go to shit, UNLESS..and this is a huge IF...George W. Bush turns himself around and decides to step up to the plate and be a real leader. I am not conservative, I am far from it. I do however think that a Republican could do some good things, as long as he remains moderate. The same goes for Democrats really. Unfortunately, George W. Bush, at this point in time, as established himself as a far-right politician. I am afraid he may elect individuals to the Supreme Court who are completely pro-life, and anti-gay. Women will go back to having illegal abortions like they did in the sixties. This country, right now, is reversing back into another time, a time were civil rights to do not reside, a time where bigotry reigns. This needs to change. Although I, and millions of other Kerry supporters feel defeated, I will not give up on a chance for a better America, and as John Kerry said today in his concession speech, "This fight is not over", and it is clearly not. I really hope that George W. Bush can change his far-right ways, and become more moderate. That way, four more years under the Bush administration could become more bearable. However, this will more than likely not occur. This is very sad, a very sad day. I cried during Kerry's concession speech, I admit it. He was very warm in what he said, and sincere. I really, truely believe, he could've turned this country around. So now, all I can do, as I said before is pray that George W. Bush will actually be a good president.
i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Tuesday, October 26th, 2004

Time:10:13 am.
Mood: contemplative.
yeah...posting from hcc again. hm. i really should be researching grafitti, and how it is an "art form" for my art class, but i have no desire to at the moment. i think i've decided on my thesis for my english research paper. my teacher gave us a list of topics, including such topics as abortion, wicca, gay marriage, and terrorism. she didn't say we HAD to use any of these topics, but i have a feeling i may do gay marriage. basically i will open with a paragraph on civil rights, and how people are not discriminated, (well they are) but how laws protect people from being discriminated against their race, culture, and religious affiliation(s). The few sentences leading into my thesis will go something like this : None of these people choose the color of their skin or the culture they were born into. Homosexuals deserve to be protected and given the same rights as anyone else. Homosexuality is not a choice, it is an innate characteristical trait. The last line will probably be my thesis. I duno. Not that anyone cares, I was basically just brainstorming in my journal. Heh. do you notice how i go from typing normally, and using uppercase letters when necessary and then just typing in lower case letters? i do. lol. oh well.
november 2 is quickly approaching, and i must admit, i am kind of feeling a bit worried about it. what if george w. bush is re-elected? our country will surely go to shit, and this "war on terror" will never be won. my friend casey may not get out of iraq when she deserves to, there may be a draft. college tuition will continue increasing, the upper class will never cease to receive tax cuts they do not deserve. gays will continue to be treated unfairly as long as this moronic and pompous adminstration reigns over our country. george w. bush will continue bringing his religion into the picture, this is a secular nation, i'm sorry but...yeah. i am seriously concerned. never before have i gotten so involved or interested in politics before this election. then again, i was only thirteen the last time there was an election. i guess it didn't really seem relevant to me at the time. PLEASE. IF YOU ARE EIGHTEEN OR OLDER VOTE ON NOVEMBER 2! IT MEANS A LOT TO ME! (of course, it would also mean a lot to me for you not to vote for mr. bush) but yeah...vote for whomever. but please vote. people in third-world countries who are not allowed to vote, who really desperately want that right, would love to be in our shoes. we have the right, we should use it. it's our privelege as american citizens. if i was eighteen, i would definitely vote this november. unfortunately i don't turn eighteen until new year's eve!

colleges im considering applying to:
Scripps College
Pitzer College
Farleigh Dickinson University
Barnard College
Pomona College

Yikes, I need to get to it. Already I will probably miss the first early admission thingeroo.
i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Monday, October 18th, 2004

Time:3:32 pm.
01. Kissed your cousin: um, i don't think i have any cousins who aren't old enough to be one of my parents.
02. Ran away: yes, i would pack a bag or two and either run to the park or just in my backyard, or even simply my closet. o.o
03. Pictured your crush naked: yeah
04. skipped school: yes
05. Broken someone's heart: yes :/
06. Been in love: once (my current girlfriend)
07. Cried when someone died: yes
08. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: maybe
10. Done something embarrassing: i do and say stupid things all the time
11. Done a drug: yes
12. Cried in school: yes

13. Coke or Pepsi: coke
14. Sprite or 7UP: sprite
15. Girls or Guys: both :x
17. Scruff or Clean shaved: wtf is "scruff"
18. Blondes or Brunettes: preferably brunettes, sometimes blondes.
19. Bitchy or Slutty: if i have to choose one - bitchy
20. Tall or Short: tall
21. Pants or Shorts: depends on the legs...
22. Night or Day: night
23. What do you notice first: personality and eyes
24. Last person you slow danced with: hm..i duno!
25. Worst Question To Ask: ?

26. Showered: last night
27. Stepped outside: about two and a half hours ago
28. Had Sex: :( too long ago
29. Romantic memory: too many to mention ♥

30. Your Good Luck Charm: hmm. my dad once gave me a walnut and told me to keep it for good luck. sooo i did.
31. Person You Hate Most: lauren's dad
32. Best Thing That Has Happened: meeting lauren, losing a good amount of weight a few years ago
33. On your desk: a bunch of magazines, papers, my phone, and my mother's fax machine
34. Picture on your desktop: a plain blue screen, how imaginative.

35. Color: sky blue and tropical green
36. Movie: i like a lot of movies. ghost world.
37. Artist: kittie.
38. Cars: hmm. no preference really
39. Ice Cream: from russia with buzz (coffee ice cream, chocolate pieces, fudge, vanilla chocolate pieces, sooo yummy!)
40. Season: summer
41. Breakfast Food: my dad's homemade blueberry pankcakes with coffee...mmm.

42. Makes you laugh the most: friends and family
43. Makes you smile: as above
44. Can make you feel better no matter what: lauren and my mom
45. Has A Crush On You: oh geez. :x
46. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: my girlfriend!
47. Who Has it easier? Girls or Guys?: i think guys

49. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: never
50. Save MSN conversations: uh. no.
51. Save E-mails: some.
52. Forward secret E-mails: no, wtf.
53. Wish you were someone else: sometimes
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: no, lol.
55. Wear cologne: perfume
56. Kiss: oh yes.
57. Cuddle: yes <3333 lots of cuddling!
58. Go online for longer than eight hours at a time: no

59. Fallen for your best friend?: kind of, lauren is one of my best friends.
60. Made out with JUST a friend?: kissed.
61. Kissed two people in the same day?: no
62. Had sex with two different people in the same day?:um no.
63. Been rejected: yes
64. Been in love?: yes
65. Been in lust?: yes
66. Used someone?: no
67. Been used?: no
68. Cheated on someone?: no
69. Been cheated on?: no
70. Been kissed?: yes
71. Done something you regret?: a few things, i think everyone has.

72. You touched?: my mom
73. You talked to?: my dad, and lauren right now on the computer
74. You hugged?: my mom
75. you instant messaged?: lauren
76. You kissed?: my girlfriend
77. You yelled at?: my mom
78. You thought about? my girlfriend
79. Who text messaged you?: the daily call (it's an agent kind of thing, it updates me on various modeling and acting jobs)
80. Who broke your heart?: ugh. a couple people
81. Who told you they loved you?: a lot of people, but the one person who i know seriously means it is lauren.

82. Color your hair? i used to, it's au naturel again now
83. Have tattoos?: no
84. Have piercings?: just 1 in each ear
85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: yes
86. Own a webcam?: yes
87. Own a thong?: many ;)and g-strings
88. Ever get off the damn computer? yes
89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?: no
90. Habla espanol?: a little
91. Quack?: once in awhile, sure

92. Stolen anything?: yes
93. Smoke?: no, i have before though.
94. Schizophrenic?: no
95. Obsessive?: sometimes
96. Compulsive?: sometimes
97. Obsessive compulsive?: sometimes
98. Panic?: at times
99. Anxiety?:at times
100. Depressed?: slightly
i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Wednesday, October 13th, 2004

Subject:random ramblings and some pictures :x
Time:3:39 pm.
Mood: sick.
bleh i found out the other day that i have mono. it started out with me just having swollen glands, and so i went to the doctor two tuesdays ago to find out what was wrong, i also had a high fever, and she told me it was a viral infection and gave me an antibiotic. she also told me that if the medicine did not work i would need to come back to be re-examined and to be tested for mono. icky. so on friday i went back and i got tested on monday..i do have mono. :/ friday also my tonsils started hurting quite badly. over the weekend i noticed that there was a lot of gross white stuff on them and i was concerend because i had never seen them look that way before. i made yet another appointment ot be seen at the doctor's and yesterday i went. she swabbed my throat for strep, at times mono and strep go hand and hand, the results came back negative. so yeah she said the bad sore throat and swollen tonsils may go on for another week (from friday) or maybe a bit longer depending on how well i take care of myself. tonight i have to work, luckily i don't have to really exert myself in this job, i simply sit on a stool until a customer orders a coffee or whatever. (i got hired at the coffee house a week or two ago). but blah. i asked my doctor when i'd be able to workout again, i work out a lot, i have a whole regimine going as far as my work out..and she said i should probably wait until next monday to do so. i suppose that makes sense, and also, at the moment i certainly have no energy to work out! she said i need to take it easy on crunches starting out otherwise my spleen may swell. :/ ewww. yeah so i'll wait until monday to work out unless it takes longer for my bad sore throat to go away and to have enough energy to do so. im not going to worry about becoming out of shape or anything, i have actually lost a few pounds since i've been sick. but yeah..uh. that's all for my ramblings. here's some pics i've taken as a means of occupying myself if anyone wants to see:
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i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Friday, October 8th, 2004

Time:7:48 pm.
*sigh* ten million phone calls and five thousand indian men later, my computer is working. i did a modem test today, and i saw that my modem was perfectly fine. and i was like hmmm...aol is fucked up. but maybe noooo...so i called dell and it took like an hour for me to get through to anyone and when i finally did it cut off. eventually i got a hold of him again and he told me to put in my dell resource cd, which i did, and i had to do a lot of tapping of various keys and such...and yeah i tried to sign on aol again and it still didnt work. i decided to call aol again, and this time i got a swell indian man by the name of danny. he had me go through some different steps than the other indian man on aol had me go through, much simpler steps as well. basically alli had to do was go to setup and type in a number without spaces into the thing and it signed on. i was so happy. yay. so yeah. it's working. hopefully it wont fuck up again.
i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Thursday, October 7th, 2004

Subject:bleh,writing this from hcc
Time:11:07 am.
Mood: aggravated.
yeah so after i got offline around 3:30 or so yesterday i was under the assumption that i would be able to sign back on later in the evening without much difficulty. i was wrong...apparently my modem is fucked. i tried to sign online and aol continued to say "your modem is failing to connect to aol" i was really agitated and shut down the computer hoping it would work later at night. ugh once again iw as wrong after six or seven tries it still did not WORK. so i called aol and this indian guy answered due to the fact that all of the customer service jobs in this country have been given to people in India since it is cheaper and such..he tried to help me and he had me to do just about everything i could to fix the modem but it still would not work. so i turned off the computer again hoping it would work today because this kind of thing has happened before and when i've done that, usually the next day it would be fine. well lll once again i was wrong and it didnt work. lauren told me that i may have to call my computer company and use my rescue discs, that's really a pain in the ass because if i am to do this that means i'm going to hav eto reinstall just about everything on my computer and i am concerned about the possibility of losing all of the pictures i have saved. basically i think we just need to buy a new computer i mean we've had ours for like five years. but yeah i realyl want to be able to get on aol at my computer on the comptuerse at the college i can only use live jrouanl i dont know my aol password...i guess i could find it out to use my email. i do have a hotmail account i think. so if anyone needs to eamil me just do so on p0oishswell@hotmail.com until i have this fixed. tomorrow i am going to call dell and see what i can do about the rescue discs. it just makes no sense to me that the computer would go insane so abruptly i mean i had been using aol find earlier in the day. soooo fucking annoying especially since i use aol to talk to lauren. so yeah LAUREN IF YOURE READING THIS BE SURE TO BE BY THE PHONE AT TEN TONIGHT, I MAY BLOCK MY NUMBER SO IF IT'S MARKED PRIVATE ANSWER IT ANYWAYYYY!!! blehhhh i need to get this fixeddd why must it happen now. i hope the rescue disc process isnt too overly ocmplex. but yeah im gona go. yep. i have a journalism meeting at 2:30.
i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Saturday, October 2nd, 2004

Subject:here are some pictures for everybody to amuse themselves with. weee. :x
Time:2:36 pm.
Mood: sick.
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i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Wednesday, September 29th, 2004

Time:4:26 pm.
Mood: thoughtful.

?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Saturday, September 18th, 2004

Subject:what's funny is, i don't even know who they are. :-x
Time:9:13 pm.
congrats, you're bane. and what an amazing band you
are. absolutely essential and seminal to
today's scene, you've blazed your own trail
since the early-mid nineties and you've been
well rewarded with enormous DIY/underground

which of my favorite hardcore bands are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Friday, September 17th, 2004

Time:1:24 pm.


You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding.

Find out your color at Quiz Me!

i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Monday, August 30th, 2004

Subject:Ew, I'm at school
Time:10:20 am.
Mood: tired.
 Blah yeah, I'm at HCC right now. I had to wake up early to get a ride with my parents. My first class isn't until 11:30, so I could've woken up at 10 instead of 8:30. Oh well. At least I had an opportunity to come to the library so I could print out the entry form for the Women Models contest. I really wish I could get a membership on models.com. Agents from the top agencies in new york city and los angeles go on to the site searching for new talent; however, the cheapest membership deal is 60 dollars, and I don't have that kind of money to spend right now. :/ Perhaps when I get a job I can make a profile there.If I did have enough money to do so though I would probaly go with the 90 dollar deal which lets me have up to 20 pictures! Right now I am just getting ready to send pictures to agency the old-fashioned way via snail mail. I'm hoping that by starting a modeling career, I can get a leg up on acting. Bleh what I want most right now though is to hav emy girlfriend Lauren with me in my armss :( . I've been sleeping with my Vote shirt by my side because Lauren wore it when I saw her last...her scent still eminates from it. <3 <3<3 Our second-month anniversary was yesterday. I wish we could've spent it together,instead of just over the phone and on the internet. Im glad we got to talk on the phone at least, since her asshole father lamented after I left that Lauren and I are not to call each other. (Fuck that!) Anyway, yeah just thought I'd update...!
i thought i found +what i always wanted.

Friday, March 5th, 2004

Time:10:19 pm.
Nightmare Before Christmas!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla
i thought i found +what i always wanted.

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